Day 2 - Twice the Fun!

As I sit here in a puddle of my own drool (makes typing slippery...) one wrong move away from a full body cramp that might require ER medical attention (Keep your cell by your side Masacre!), the only way I can find the will to type is thanks to a little inspirational ditty courtesy of John Farthham and his Heart of Thunder...if you haven't seen it, the best website ever can be found here: http://www.myspace.com/cru_jones

There may not be thunder in my heart and I certainly don't have any moves resembling lightning at this point, but there is bile in my mouth and twitches of spasming pain in my legs, so that will have to do Mr. Cru Jones...On the other hand, I think everyone in the group got to taste their own bit of glory at some point today, for me it was the little things...like keeping the cramps away the whole day. James was a hero up Jacks peak for sure. That was impressive. Frank toughed it out and found his way back to the group, Nathan displayed his trademark attacks, Alex, Greg, and Coach were off the front most of the time leading the way in signature form, Shelly never backed down, The Masacre gave me tire changing lessons and then pulled me back to the group, Steve pretty much demolished everyone after the lunch break, Bri and Michele came out and banged bars and got some miles in, and my mushy brain at this point just gives huge congratulations to everyone out there that had the courage to endure!

BUT, we cannot forget the AWARD OF THE DAY. This, I think everyone will agree is without question, the most memorable, courageous and flat out RADASS move of the day. Was it James' out of the saddle attack the last 50 meters up Jacks? No. What about Alex's breakaway in Pebble? Nope. Sorry, but none of those moves could have raised the heart rate or unleashed the torrent of fury that our beloved Broom Wagon/Sag driver displayed to Mr. Redneck Pick Up Truck ASSHOLE on Laureles Grade/Robley. NEVER in my life have I seen such an attack!!! Lance Armstrong, eat your heart out because KAREN IS IN THE MOTHER FUCKING HOUSE! I don't think that guy new what hit him, but I am pretty sure he will have NIGHTMARES filled with broom toting Rover's shouting expletives that would make a sailor blush! And if those nightmares happen to continue for years and require professional intervention at a great expense to Mr. Asshole, then all the better. Karen thank you not only for that, but your support throughout has been incredible. YOU ARE THE BEST!

My last fear of the day is lingering in the back of my mind, and it constantly haunts me. The question is this...one more climb today...and that is "How in the hell will I ever CLIMB into bed?" I hope I don't cramp...

PS: Thanks for reading Mike. Even though you are in LA, you are with us in spirit and the team has been talkin' about you!

Suffering Galore! Day 1

Silly, silly newcomers. Here I am thinking we have 3 DAYS (maybe I am the only one thinking...errr...worrying about that) and while I admit that the ride over was a bit easier (nice tail wind, eh?) than the last time, I think that was about it! Getting over the grade Travis was figuring out the whole roadie thing pretty good and everyone else was looking good in their new Santa delivered SPEED DEMON KITS!!! I already felt faster in the new uniforms! (PS: It looks like my phone really sucks for adding pics. I will work on that for tomorrow...)

Going up the grade, it was less windy and the temperatures seemed great for climbing! I rolled out with the Masacre and Coe Boy and promptly got passed by a gaggle of speed racers, namely T-Dub (who I shall rename later...), Mr. Faulkner, a former Nemo star, and some guy that litter ally went by me so fast I don't know who in the heck it was, CHRIS. About 45m later I heard that it unfolded at the top with Polka Dot leading the charge (with a course record? Nicely done!) for the second time in a row ahead of Captain my Coach, and apparently I scared Mark enough to scoot up past Alex while I narrowly topped out above a hard charging and rapidly approaching TIME MACHINE...another 1/4 mile and he woulda had me for sure! I then found the nearest rest room while the rest of the battle unfolded, the highlight I can think of being that Smurfette met her goal of a sub 60m time!!! Congrats!

Brett and Coe Boy both did really well for their first time up the hill and I was impressed by both of their rides for sure! If we could just get Brett to spend less time talking and socializing I am sure he would go even faster!

On the way down, it was all brakes for me, but Frank and Nathan were trying to see how high a number they could put down on their speed screen and I would venture to say it involved the 50's...they were flying!

On the way back I was preparing for the sprints of doom that ripped my legs off last time, but I cramped going up the last little rise and then missed the stop sign as I watched all the fast guys ride off into the sunset. So I wish I could give you the play by play with facts, but instead I will improvise:

CB taunted everyone to attack. When no one took the bait, he shot off like a bat out of hell and everyone gave chase hoping it would end soon. Wattage was off the charts and Frank probably bent a crank with his BMX power while the skinny dudes just wished they could go back to Fremont...

I fought off leg cramps knowing that there is still plenty of time to suffer tomorrow...speaking of which, I have a date with a bad of ice and tub of cold water. Yup, the day just keeps right on sucking! Great Day 1 to everyone that was there and we look forward to more silly games tomorrow!

Pain and Suffering...

...a few of my favorite things! And they better be yours, too if you are planning on successfully completing the WORLD FAMOUS JOSELYN's TEAM TRAINING CAMP!!!! Ok, let's be real, it might be a NOTCH or two below world famous, but it will be epic, memorable, and all that marketing jumbo that I can espose for days on end. Get ready because it's gonna be good and it starts tomorrow. Here's my picks for tomorrow's fest:
A close battle results in:
1. Mr. Whitey to the Top First

2. A battle to the death btwn Coe Boy & Alex

3. Burnham passing EVERYONE

4. Shelly eating enough candy to choke a horse

5. Nathan pulling a HUGE Holeshot

6. The Masacre and Coe Boy wishing we were in the dirt

7. Ego's shattered and records going down faster than a $25 dolla craiglist erotic encounter...

GIANT ANTHEM FOR SALE

Ok, in marketing and advertising, we have a saying "I know that I am wasting half of my budget...I just don't know which half!" Well, in this case, I am fairly certain that since no one really knows this blog even exists, this is a waste of time. BUT, Coe Boy is selling off his softie steeds, so if you know anyone looking for well maintained Giant Anthem's in Size Medium then he has an entry level XT build at $1200 (just fully gone through and given a clean bill of health from Joselyn's) and another Giant Anthem 1 build for $1800. Both bikes are very clean, ready to ride without problems for years. That's probably more than you can say about your wife, right? Oops, does Bri read this site? Darn it, looks like I'm sleeping on the couch tonight...Anyhow, here's a taste, the next bite will cost ya'

How to sell a bike:

You are looking at a great cross country mountain bike that is ready to humiliate your friends with its stiff pedaling platform and climbing prowess, while also providing comfortable and confidence inspiring geometry that will have you flowing downhill with speed that your friends won't believe! What could be better than that you ask? (As if you need a better reason than those two in order to buy this rad bike!).

How about doing all of the above activities while perched on a bike that is unique and few other riders have. Yup, in a sea of Special-Ed-Ized, Tiny, and Santa Crutch you can be ripping by on a mythical beast that eats those others bikes for lunch and still has room to conquer the meanest climbs you can throw at her! Where do you ride? Fort Ord, Santa Cruz, Toro Park, maybe the bike path...you may have to tame her down a bit for that, but she will mind a confident owner.

If you have the desire to own a super cool bike that Santa himself wishes he could deliver Christmas cheer on, then get yourself over here and check this sucker out! Here's what she's rollin': Fox Suspension (the best!) F100x Fork and RP2 Shock XT Crankset SRAM X9 Shifters Avid Juicy 5 brakes SIZE LARGE - I am 6'1"...if you are a few inches on either side of that it should work well. The way the cool frame is built allows a nice, low stand over height.

THIS BIKE IS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR FRIENDS WISH THEY STAYED HOME! What could be better? NOTHING. A full price purchase gets a new set of Kenda tires and Crankbrother Candy C pedals. As if that wasn't enough, the festive red color is PERFECT FOR SITTING UNDER YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE! YES!!!! BUY THIS BIKE! Email or call Brian at: 831.241.4259 Thanks for reading and happy pedaling!

PS: This bike has been ridden. It has some scratches. It has some character. If you are looking for some brand new bike that the other bikes will laugh at because they know it never sees the dirt, then look elsewhere. But if you are looking for a bike that the other bikes will be like "Whoa, Sam, do you see that sucker, watch out, she means business!" then that's what you get. Sissies need not apply. If you are not a sissie, come take a look.

Bobble-Head

Last night's group ride was an interesting one to say the least. Trying to fight off my periodic lock up of my shoulder muscles, I stretched the wrong way and BAAMMMOOO! My shoulder and neck locked up tighter than Eric's grip on a pre-ride whopper! In great agony, I still wanted to do the group ride so I scoured the house and doug out some old pain killers (Thanks Doctor Dean Edell for letting me know that those pills never really expire!). After doubling the prescribed dossage I felt more more loopy than Goofy at Six Flaggs but the shoulder was pretty much non-existant so I thought I was ready! I showed up ready to ride and I'm not sure if me or the pace was more high than usual, but I think it was a combination of the two...we ended up riding for almost 2 hours so it was a great ride. I have noticed that the rides are increasingly becoming faster and faster...perhaps it's time for 2 groups on these rides? The Hammer us senselsess group and then another brisk group that doesn't quite have the kick of the first group, but is still plenty fast and wants to get a ride in as well. What do ya'll think?

MOOSH!

Typically, for me, writing is something that I enjoy. However, when I am pummeled into the ground and suffering from dehydration and exhaustion it makes the fingers tough to move along the key board. However, I am feeling like if I can make it another day or so, I will be getting recovered enough to put something new up. Until then, maybe YOU could think of a reason as to why the federal government should fork over $25M to you...I'm sure you could do better than the Big Three Stooges...