Confessions...The Guilt...THE GUILT!!!!

I used to be a pretty happy-go-lucky-guy. But, NOW, with a former Nazi boot camp training Sergeant (or so I hear) watching my every move, I must admit, sometimes, I walk around more nervous than a beginner XC racer being shoved and pushed around as he stares up the start at Downieville just knowing that he is going to die! To think rationally or to freak out...these are the types of irrational thoughts that pedal endless laps around the gray matter XC course in my head...A sample of Brian's world follows:

"Dude, I am a giant SCREW UP!!! I just ate the biggest freakin' donut! Ugh! I have been SO GOOD! Seriously, NO donuts. NO home run pies. No freakin'nothing!!!!" Ok, there was a serious hit of doping candy after Sunday's roadie...BUT I EARNED THAT!!!

However, I figure, I burned like 6000 freakin' calories on Saturday, so 1 donut every couple months won't send the earth spinning out of control off it's axis right? Plus, did I mention 6000 calories? I am STILL HUNGRY FROM THAT! Good, I am glad we are in agreement and can move past this little hiccup. However, THAT IS NOT WHERE IT ENDS! It cannot end so simply, and that is because anyone that knows me well knows that I make lists...lists for everything...what to do at work, what to take to the races, what to do after work...and yes, even in this case, lists to justify my thoughts, they go something like this:

For the record:

• The giant donut (apple fritter) was delicious.
• Further, I am counting it as 7 helpings of fruits and vegetables for the day (remember the aforementioned "apple" part and it's sheer size)
• I ate that sucker at like 9:30 and haven't been hungry for HOURS!!! Waaaay out of normal for me! This may mean I don't even need to eat again until tomorrow, possibly Saturday...
• I know, I know, this does NOT earn me any extra brownie points and I may in fact now be back in brownie point deficit...
• Although I am certainly NOT in calorie deficit...

Ah, welcome to my world. Aren't you glad you are just visiting and can leave whenever you like? I am forever trapped, without any hope for early parole and no sign of escape...